Fear of flying: a step-by-step guide to confidence in the air

Fear of flying—also known as aviophobia—affects millions of people around the world. For some, it’s a mild discomfort before takeoff. For others, it’s full-blown anxiety that starts days (or even weeks) before the flight. If that sounds like you, know this: you are not alone, and there’s nothing “silly” or irrational about your fear. More importantly, there are ways to manage it—ways that are backed by psychology, neuroscience, and real-life experience.

Here’s a practical step-by-step guide to help you feel more confident the next time you step onto a plane.

Step 1: identify what you’re really afraid of

Not all fear of flying looks the same. For some people, it’s the fear of a plane crash. For others, it’s the claustrophobia of being confined in a tight space with no way out. Others worry about having a panic attack mid-flight and “losing control” in front of strangers.

Take a moment to reflect:

Is it turbulence that makes your heart race?
Is it being unable to escape or feeling trapped?
Are you afraid of a medical emergency on board?
Do news stories or movies trigger your fear?

Write your specific fears down. Getting clarity is the first step to taming them.

Step 2: learn how flying works (it’s more reassuring than you think)

One of the best antidotes to fear is information. Understanding how aeroplanes (or airplanes for our American cousins) operate, and how rare actual in-flight emergencies are, can help shift your mindset.

A few facts that might help:

Commercial aeroplanes are built to handle extreme weather, wind, and turbulence.
Pilots go through rigorous training, with thousands of hours of flight experience.
Air travel is statistically the safest mode of transportation.
Turbulence feels scary, but it’s not dangerous—it’s like hitting potholes in the sky.

Even watching videos about how planes work or reading articles from pilots (check out Captain Joe on YouTube) can help calm the fear of the unknown. You can also contact us to book in a 1:1 session with Captain Pete Martin (my Dad, and a pilot of over 42 years who was also a flying instructor in the RAF).

Step 3: practice relaxation techniques before you fly

Don’t wait until the plane starts taxiing to calm yourself down. Start weeks—or even months—before your flight by building a toolkit of relaxation strategies you can call on when the nerves kick in.

Try:

Deep breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat. You can do this whilst tracing a box, either in your mind or perhaps on your leg (with a finger) for some sensory feedback, too.
Progressive muscle relaxation: tense and release different muscle groups to reduce tension.
Visualisation: picture yourself boarding the plane calmly, enjoying the view, and landing with ease.

The more you practice these when you’re not flying, the more naturally your body will respond when you’re in the air.

Step 4: set yourself up for success on flight day

You don’t have to just “wing it” (pun intended). The environment you create around your flight matters.

Choose your seat wisely: a seat over the wing tends has been argued to be the most stable. If you’re claustrophobic, an aisle seat lets you get up more easily.
Dress comfortably: wear layers and cozy clothes to help your body feel safe and relaxed. Lots of light thin layers means you can take these off / add them in easily.
Arrive early: Rushing creates unnecessary stress. Give yourself time to check in, relax, and even eat something grounding before boarding.
Bring a comfort kit: Think headphones, soft socks, essential oils, mints, calming music, or even a small stuffed animal if that soothes you.

Also: tell the flight attendants you’re a nervous flyer! They’re trained to help and often go out of their way to make you feel supported. If you feel uncomfortable saying this out loud, you can hand them a note or a card.

Step 5: seek professional help if needed

If your fear feels intense or overwhelming—so much that it stops you from traveling—it’s worth talking to a therapist. Many specialise in phobias and anxiety, and they can guide you through specific strategies to lessen your fear. Below, you can see the options available, as well as my professional reflections on their effectiveness.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR uses scientifically proven techniques to reduce the fear associated with flying. It’s especially useful when the fear is linked to past traumatic experiences, anxiety, or irrational beliefs. Despite CBT being more widely known, I have personally found that EMDR has the best, and quickest, impact on someone’s fear of flying.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT helps with fear of flying by teaching you to accept anxious thoughts and feelings without letting them control your actions. It encourages you to focus on what matters — like travel or connection — and take meaningful steps forward, even with fear present.

Other options to consider:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps challenge irrational thoughts and replace them with realistic ones.

Exposure therapy: Gradually desensitizes you to the fear through small steps, like visiting an airport or watching flight simulations.

There are also online programs ran by airlines which can combine education and exposure.

We are delighted that we also have our own online programme which is different because it was developed from the clinical literature. This has been developed by myself, Dr Kristy Potter. I’m Clinical Psychologist with expertise in both the anxiety / phobia part, as well as a history of working with aviation professionals and having flown small planes myself during my university days. This programme is a joint venture with my Dad, Pete, a pilot of over 42 years who sparked my interest in all things aviation! Please register your interest here and you’ll also get a free e-book with some evidence-based techniques that will help during your flight.

If you are desperate to start, or have a flight coming up, please do get in touch for individual sessions in the interim. These can be really effective in just a short amount of sessions – book your free 15 minute call here and see what we can offer you.

Remember: you can learn to fly without fear

This isn’t about magically loving flying overnight. It’s about proving to yourself that you can do it. That your fear, while real, doesn’t have to control you.

Every time you take a flight—even a small one—you’re building resilience. You’re teaching your nervous system that you’re safe. You’re rewriting the story. And, you’ve probably done this in the past. As a child, a teen or an adult, there would have been things that terrify you that you now do day to day. Maybe that was driving a car, filling up with petrol, answering the phone. Whatever it is was, being anxious is a human experience and no matter who you are, you’ve done this before.